How to Identify and End a Toxic Relationship Like an Adult

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s natural for partners to be mad at each other.

A shining spark is coming from both of you, and no external influence can separate you.

You won’t notice any signs of a toxic relationship in this phase because your brain is ruled by dopamine and oxytocin.

However, as you move past a point, certain things start to happen that catch your attention.

You might think, what’s wrong? We’re still happy. Why bother fixing it?

But before you know it, you’ll be taking too much toxicity in your relationship that you’ll almost start feeling suffocated. 

Back in the day, falling in love and retaining a bond was extremely easy.

This is because most people often came from modest households, didn’t have a lot of ex-partners, and were free from emotional trauma.

In the modern world, achieving these feats is near-impossible.

Thus, your strategy for love should also change.

In this write-up, we’ll discuss what a toxic relationship, who is a toxic partner, what are the signs of a toxic relationship and how to deal with a toxic relationship if you’re in one.

Read till the end to get a 360-degree picture on how toxic relationships can be identified and escaped.

What is a toxic relationship?

A healthy relationship is meant to provide support and contribute to the mutual growth of both individuals involved.

It can be incredibly fulfilling when you’ve got someone by your side who stands with you through everything, offering unwavering support.

However, most men end up in toxic relationships, experiencing the reverse.

A toxic relationship is unhealthy, negative, and damaging dynamics in a relationship, often imposed by one partner on the other through verbal, physical, or psychological abuse.

A toxic relationship doesn’t just exist in romantic relationships but also between friends, family, and colleagues.

Toxicity creeps in slowly and becomes an undeniable reality of a relationship.

You start to realize that communication is turning into conflicts, decisions are turning into guilt trips, and more.

These relationships significantly impact you, both physically and mentally, leaving you wounded and traumatized for years to come. 

Who’s more likely to be toxic?

While toxicity is not limited to specific personality types, over the years, psychologists and psychotherapists have identified certain types of people who’re more likely to be toxic.

Here are a few personalities that risk being toxic in a relationship.

People That are Narcissistic

If you’re in a toxic relationship with a partner who displays traits of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), then you shouldn’t be surprised.

Narcissists have a tendency to place more importance on themselves and undermine their partners.

They prioritize their individuality and expect you to admire them all the time.

Since this is part of a toxic relationship dynamic, you have to be on alert.

People With Past Trauma

Unhealed trauma from the past has a very high chance of embedding toxicity into a person.

People with past trauma tend to run toxic relationships and don’t even realize it.

The key here is to be sensitive and understand their experiences.

Past trauma can be healed with professional therapies or meditation retreats.

It doesn’t take a significant amount of effort, and if you know this, then take your partner to the next level by helping them out.

People Raised in Unstable Households

People that come from unstable households tend to be toxic in relationships.

Financial stress and limited resources in their childhood have created an imprint on their mind, leading to feelings of insecurity and bringing conflict into the relationship.

Also, individuals who’ve experienced abuse, neglect, and instability in childhood will show more signs of toxicity in a relationship.

People With Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem makes people bring toxic behaviors into relationships.

This can be the result of their past experiences and general negative self-perception.

They tend to seek validation for everything, and not getting enough validation makes them do things that can be perceived as toxic.

This also makes them highly dependent on their partners, which creates too much pressure on them.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

To truly understand the meaning of a toxic relationship, you need to recognize the traits or signs of a toxic relationship.

This is critical because most people today are in toxic relationships and don’t even realize it.

In their effort to be good partners, they’re being walked all over.

Your Boundaries Are Not Respected

When your partner consistently monitors every aspect of your personal life, it is one of the clearest signs of a toxic relationship.

In a healthy bond, there’s a sense of ease in sharing both physical and emotional space with your partner. It’s also one of the most  important things in a relationship.

However, in a toxic relationship, the absence of privacy and boundaries leaves you feeling confined and isolated.

When you’re in a healthy relationship, mutual respect for personal space enables you to express yourself freely.

In a toxic relationship, these boundaries go out the window, leaving you unable to assert your own needs and emotions.

Awareness of such signs of a toxic relationship is crucial, as they can significantly impact your emotional well-being and overall happiness.

This can often result in trauma, which won’t make your life any easier.

Healthy relationships are built on deep communication, mutual respect and absolute trust.

Remember, you deserve a relationship where you’re honored and respected, not one where you’re constantly being watched.

Beware of such toxic relationship signs.

You’re Often On a Guilt Trip

Toxic partners often use guilt as a manipulative weapon to control and dominate you.

By making you feel guilty, they position themselves as the more confident and powerful individuals in the relationship dynamic.

This is one of the most subtle signs of a toxic relationship.

This manipulation crushes your self-confidence and makes you dependent on them.

You constantly seek their validation because you don’t want the guilt trip again.

You might think you’re a kind and agreeable partner, but they only take advantage of you.

If they don’t get what they want, they’ll again place the blame on you and make you beg for their validation.

They may even shed tears or use the Silent Treatment to evoke guilt in you.

They might even twist the truth or fabricate stories to manipulate your emotions, causing you to doubt your own judgment and second-guess your decisions.

“Allow manipulation to see where they want you to go, then use your mind to break free from the trap and reclaim your freedom.”

If you find yourself constantly worrying about upsetting them, consider this as one of the signs of a toxic relationship.

It’s important to identify this pattern and break free from this trap.

Seek support from your Bros or your family to get out of this situation. 

You’re Regularly Insulted

Irrespective of how strong your love is for your partner, if you find yourself being constantly disrespected, in private or in public, this is one of the signs of a toxic relationship.

In a healthy relationship, both of you should have mutual respect and trust.

If your partner doesn’t respect you, shows a lack of care, and makes you worry about your self-worth, it may be a good indication to get out of this relationship.

While physical abuse is an obvious red flag, using insulting language is also highly detrimental.

They might put it as harmless or even in a humorous way, so you don’t notice, but they mean it.

Over the long term, these insults will start to feel like facts to you. You’ll start to think you are what they say you are, and this is a serious toxic relationship sign.

A toxic partner may also be highly dismissive towards your feelings and opinions, belittling you through their behavior.

This makes engaging in a meaningful talk with your partner near impossible.

As this behavior reaches its peak, your self-worth touches the depths.

After a while in such a relationship, you may notice other subtle signs of a toxic relationship, such as non-verbal insults.

Smirking, eye-rolling or dismissive gestures exert control without words.

These will start to worry you over a period of time since every word that comes out of you will get one of these reactions regularly.

Your Connections Are Cut

One of the most dangerous signs of a toxic relationship I have personally experienced is when your partner isolates you from your support network.

They may paint your friends and family as negative influences or convince you they’re not concerned about your well-being. This will result in conflicts.

Creating conflicts between you and your loved ones is a smart strategy, due to which you start feeling isolated and become solely dependent on your toxic partner for support.

Once they have you dependent on them, they gain absolute control over your thoughts, emotions, and decisions and manipulate you into believing that they’re the only person you can rely on.

Note that it’s extremely important to recognize that without the support of your Bros or family members, breaking free from this toxic relationship will be a great challenge.

While you may view this isolation as normal, others would easily identify it as one of the signs of a toxic relationship.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s natural to shut out differing opinions about your relationship, but it’s necessary to have someone you trust and rely on, other than your partner.

You don’t go to the devil to defeat the devil; you run to God.

Seek the support of someone who genuinely cares about your happiness and can offer an unbiased opinion on your situation.

You Make Them Jealous

One of the easy-to-spot signs of a toxic relationship is when your partner constantly competes with you to win because they’re jealous of your success.

While jealousy is a natural human emotion, it soon turns into a destructive trait that damages relationships.

Instead of celebrating your success, they’ll be consumed by negative thoughts and feelings of jealousy.

Constant jealousy from your partner can lead to frequent arguments, misunderstandings, and a complete breakdown of trust. 

I remember my girlfriend hating the fact that I was getting promoted at the office, and to make me feel bad about it, she started telling me how I don’t spend time with her.

I went into a spiral, and instead of receiving my promotion with joy, I was apologizing to her for working hard at work.

Jealousy is not an emotion that can easily be controlled.

It often stems from childhood trauma and makes its way into relationships.

Thus, instead of staying back to fix this behavior, the best thing you can do is to get out of this relationship.

If possible, refer them to a therapist so they can become better too.

You Feel Emotionally Exhausted

If you find yourself constantly exhausted and emotionally drained due to the never-ending drama caused by your partner, it’s one of the rock-solid signs of a toxic relationship.

Your partner may manipulate you or become upset with you for no apparent reason, leaving you confused and mentally drained.

This constant state of chaos will practically crush your mental health, and recovering would be extremely hard.

In a toxic relationship, you’ll never even receive emotional support because toxic partners tend to be narcissistic, meaning they’re often self-centered and indifferent to your feelings.

This is a serious toxic relationship sign you need to consider.

This places the burden of emotional support solely on your shoulders, which is unfair and will inevitably leave you feeling exhausted. 

Recognizing these signs of a toxic relationship is crucial for your mental well-being.

You have to prioritize your mental health by seeking support, setting boundaries, and considering whether the relationship is healthy and beneficial. 

You Can’t Predict Their Behavior

One of the surefire signs of a toxic relationship is you not being able to figure out how they’re going to react to something.

If you constantly find yourself on edge, anxious, and emotionally unstable due to the unpredictable behavior of your partner, you’re trapped in a toxic relationship.

In a healthy relationship, you should feel emotionally supported and validated by your partner.

However, in a toxic relationship, you may always experience disorientation and uncertainty.

Unpredictable mood swings, such as sudden bursts of anger or extreme affection, that contradict each other can create an emotional rollercoaster for you.

This will constantly keep you on guard, unsure of how your partner is going to react.

This is one of the surefire signs of a toxic relationship because it’s also related to narcissists.

They tend to manipulate and confuse the other person in order to be unpredictable and mysterious. This gives them the power to control your actions.

Recognizing these signs of unpredictability and emotional instability is crucial in determining whether the relationship is healthy and supportive or not. 

You’re a Victim of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a dangerous form of emotional manipulation and is one of the most straightforward signs of a toxic relationship.

In gaslighting, a toxic partner will employ a variety of tactics to distort the truth and alter your perception of reality.

Coincidentally, this is one of the peak traits of narcissism. 

They may dismiss your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, replacing them with their version of events. This will leave you feeling confused and uncertain as to what really happened.

This is a major toxic relationship sign as it directly messes with your mind.

The insidious nature of gaslighting causes you to question your sanity, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and helplessness.

It erodes your self-trust and distorts your judgment significantly, leaving you vulnerable to manipulation. 

If you discover that you’re being gaslighted by your partner, you either get out of that relationship or take your partner to a therapist.

There’s really no third path here. You certainly can’t stay in a relationship that’s constantly messing your mind up.

Your Feelings Are Played With

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being unheard or invalidated when you try to express your opinions and emotions?

This might be one of the signs of a toxic relationship.

This is a way of playing with your feelings and eventually gaining control over them.

All of this happens in a very subtle manner and is extremely hard to notice on your own. 

In a healthy relationship, you’re valued and respected, and your partner acknowledges and appreciates your uniqueness.

However, your thoughts, ideas, and decisions are belittled in a toxic relationship, leaving you feeling insignificant and disregarded.

This is also one of the ways to systematically destroy your self-confidence so you’re easy to control.

Highly dominant partners tend to do this more often in relationships.

They may even resort to sarcasm, mocking or dismissing your emotions, making you feel foolish for expressing your true feelings. That’s why this is one of the most dangerous signs of a toxic relationship.

They may trivialize your pain, leading to a sense of loneliness and a decline in self-esteem as your emotions are constantly invalidated.

Over the long term, you might begin to doubt your perceptions and constantly second-guess your feelings.

This will erode your identity and confidence, preventing you from expressing your needs.

You Don’t Own Your Money

If your partner exerts control over your finances through manipulative tactics, it is one of the strongest signs of a toxic relationship.

While it may not be very evident in the early stages of a relationship, soon, you’ll find your access to your own money limited.

Your autonomy in making financial decisions will be curtailed. 

A toxic partner will impose restrictions on your spending habits and scrutinize every purchase you make, leaving you feeling devoid of confidence.

They may deny you the freedom to spend your money on things you enjoy, undermining your independence.

In a toxic relationship, your partner may make significant financial decisions without seeking your input or consent.

This absence of collaboration in financial matters breeds mistrust and fuels arguments. 

Physical Impact of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships might not seem too impactful, but they often greatly impact your physical health.

Let us discover the impacts and know what happens if we ignore the signs of a toxic relationship.

Increased Stress Levels

Toxic relationships subject you to constant negativity, elevating stress levels and weakening the immune system while contributing to higher blood pressure and other health effects.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

In toxic relationships, people often resort to unhealthy habits like excessive alcohol consumption, drug addiction, or disordered eating, which further damage physical well-being.

Disrupted Sleep Patterns

Emotional rollercoasters in toxic relationships disturb sleep, leading to sleep deprivation, weakened immune function, weight gain, and increased susceptibility to chronic illnesses and mental health issues.

Overall Well-being

Toxic relationships diminish motivation for self-care, exercise, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, resulting in physical imbalances, compromised health, and a decline in quality of life.

Mental Impact of Toxic Relationships

Just like the physical impact, toxic relationship impact us mentally too.

Their mental impact is more significant impact because physical effects can be controlled to a certain extent, but mental wounds take time to heal.

Let’s understand what happens in your mind when you ignore the signs of a toxic relationship.

Emotional Distress

As a result of excess manipulation, emotional abuse, and constant conflicts, you might experience anxiety, depression, and emotional instability in your day-to-day life.

Reduced Self-Value

In a toxic relationship, you might feel worthless and constantly stuck by self-doubt because you’re not getting any support or validation from your partner.

Detachment

Being far from your family and friends will create loneliness and make you feel depressed. You will not be able to express your true emotions to anyone else other than your partner. 

Increased Risk of Mental Disorders

There’s a chance of going through mental disorders such as post-traumatic stress (PTSD) or anxiety disorders because of being in a toxic relationship. If you’re in one, you have to be aware of how you’re feeling.

Can toxic relationships be fixed?

While it is possible to repair a toxic relationship to a certain extent, it is critical to recognize that the success of such efforts will largely depend on your partner’s willingness to change their actions.

In our experience, trying and fixing every toxic relationship is not always healthy.

It would be best if you could end the relationship to prevent further harm.

However, if there’s a glimmer of hope for repairing the relationship, it’s worth investing your time and effort into it.

Initiate a genuine conversation with your partner, discussing the challenges you both face in the relationship.

Also, propose solutions to fix this behavior to help yourself and your partner in the process.

By making small changes and gestures, you can significantly improve the situation, and by rebuilding trust, you can create an environment where you both feel safe to express your feelings and emotions.

Remember that repairing a toxic relationship requires active participation and commitment from both parties involved.

If your partner demonstrates a genuine willingness to change and holds the potential for transformation, work hand-in-hand with them to fix your relationship.

How to Deal With a Toxic Relationship?

Dealing with a toxic relationship is a significant challenge, especially if your partner doesn’t care about fixing the bond.

It would be much easier to end this toxicity if your partner is willing to transform.

In any case, let’s find out how to deal with a toxic relationship and take it back to the original bond.

Look Within and Look Out!

Introspection is critical in the early stages of a toxic relationship.

By examining your behavior and how it’s changed during the course of the relationship, you can identify if you’re actually in a toxic relationship or not.

Reflect on how your emotions have shifted from happiness to anxiety, anger, and fear.

Then try to discover if this shift has happened because of your partner’s behavior.

Finally, look at your partner objectively and try to identify the signs of a toxic relationship that we discussed above.

That’s how to deal with a toxic relationship.

Engaging in self-reflection empowers you to make necessary changes. By acknowledging the negative effects of this relationship, you can define your boundaries and pave the way for personal growth.

Take active ownership of your well-being and prioritize self-care.

Like all human beings on earth, you deserve a relationship that uplifts and supports you.

Taking charge of your journey can create positive change and pave the way for a more fulfilling future.

Be Absolutely Assertive

To deal with a toxic relationship, being firm and assertive is crucial. 

You have to clearly express your needs and communicate openly about what’s bothering you. This is where boundaries come in.

Establishing what is acceptable and what is not in a relationship is necessary.

If your boundaries are violated, communicate the consequences of it to emphasize their importance.

For example, if you don’t like the snoopy attitude of your girlfriend, let her know that touching your phone won’t be tolerated.

Assertiveness empowers you, but not using it directly against your partner is important.

In learning how to deal with a toxic relationship, you must remember to address toxicity, not your partner.

Use your assertiveness as a tool to improve the relationship, not to undermine it.

Develop Your Tribe

To effectively deal with a toxic relationship, building a strong support network and seeking help from people who genuinely care about you is critical.

This network includes your family, close friends, or even support groups if you’re a part of any.

Sharing your experiences with them will let you see your relationship from a different perspective.

Maintain regular communication with your network instead of spending all your time with your partner.

Human beings are multi-dimensional social animals; we cannot be restricted to one person all the time.

Ensure that the people you choose have your best interests at heart and genuinely want to help you move toward a healthier relationship.

Be cautious of toxic friends who may exhibit similar traits and potentially contribute to further troubles.

Surround yourself with the right people who offer advice that aligns with your goals.

Meditate Together

Through the practice of meditation, you both can delve into the underlying issues that contribute to toxicity within your relationship.

You both have to practice this together to arrive at a matching wavelength.

When you do find underlying toxicity, approach these concerns with a calm and open mind.

This will allow you to understand the challenges and uncover potential solutions to this toxicity.

If you haven’t meditated even once in your life or lack practice, try our guide on mindfulness meditation as a starter on your self-improvement journey.

This process of self-reflection will gradually enhance the overall quality of your relationship, leading to the dissipation of toxicity, often without you even realizing it.

Embrace this transformative approach and witness the positive changes it brings forth.

Establish Effective Communication

Effective communication in a relationship serves as a key solution to managing toxicity.

Strive to be assertive when necessary, expressing your needs and desires while also being an attentive listener to understand your partner’s perspective.

When conflicts arise, respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

Avoid engaging in toxic behaviors such as name-calling, manipulation, or personal attacks, as they’ll only harm the relationship.

Instead, practice communication that minimize conflicts and allow for a healthy relationship to exist.

Try to cultivate patience and put in the effort to foster effective communication, allowing both of you to navigate the relationship with less toxicity.

Evaluate the relationship

At every stage of a relationship, it’s critical to step back and evaluate the health of the relationship.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, you have to sit down with a pen and paper and assess its long-term potential.

Look for patterns in your partner’s behavior and actions and try to identify the range of their toxic traits.

If their toxic behavior is consistent, crosses boundaries, and shows absolutely no signs of improvement, it’s a red flag.

You have to objectively analyze the impact of this toxicity on your well-being and happiness.

We believe ending the relationship is the healthiest choice if you’re in a toxic relationship.

However, if this toxic behavior occurs occasionally and shows potential for change, it may be worth addressing through open communication or seeking a Couple’s Therapist.

Find a Way Out, if Necessary

Not everybody can tolerate extreme toxicity in a relationship. Most people have very limited bandwidth as to how much they can take in.

It’s important to know that your well-being and mental health should never be compromised.

If the toxicity exceeds what you can handle, the best suggestion would be to get out of that relationship peacefully.

Dealing with your emotions by yourself, away from toxicity, can provide you with the space and clarity needed to heal and live a better life.

Your entire future depends on the decision you’ll make in this relationship, and if it’s not a healthy decision, it will be a long time before you can get out of it.

It’s best to take proactive measures to prevent further harm.

How To Leave a Toxic Relationship? 

When it comes to dealing with a toxic relationship, you can either sit down and fix it or leave it.

Fixing happens only when your partner is willing to transform their behavior.

But if the efforts are only one-sided, it’s meaningless to drive that ship.

Grab a safety jack and jump out before you drown.

Here are some tips on how to leave a toxic relationship in a healthy way.

Breakup Like a Gentleman

Breaking up a toxic relationship is never easy, but there are ways to make this process less painful.

Knowing how to leave a toxic relationship involves being honest, respectful, and empathetic toward their feelings.

Honesty is critical because you have to tell your partner why things aren’t working out.

You have to let them know of their toxic patterns in detail. This will only help them become better for a future relationship.

Do not blame them; they’re just as human as you are. Instead, let them down easy. 

Respectfulness and empathy are also critical during a breakup, so you should avoid breaking up over text or social media.

Have a face-to-face conversation in a comfortable setting, preferably in public, for your own safety.

Listen to their feelings and perspective and acknowledge their pain.

Finally, let them know it’s a goodbye and try to move on.

Stick with Your Decision

A breakup simply translates to permanent separation. There’s no room for temporary breaks in a toxic relationship.

Even if your abusive ex-partner temporarily changes, you’ll still get to see the same result because human personalities are extremely hard to change.

They’re most likely putting up an act to attract you and then subject you to the same toxic behaviors. 

You wouldn’t be learning about how to leave a toxic relationship if you were so happy in that relationship. Would you?

If you truly respect yourself, you shouldn’t go back to such a relationship.

If you’re finding it hard to get over your breakup, read this write-up on getting over a breakup.

Cut-Off Contact

In learning how to leave a toxic relationship, you have to first learn to set boundaries.

Ensure that you’re completely out of the reach of your toxic ex-partner by blocking all means of communication.

It’s vital to avoid revisiting the past for your emotional well-being.

It’s best to let your friends and family know about this decision and get them to block your ex too.

Eliminate all reminders of your ex, including photos, messages, or gifts, to minimize triggers and facilitate your healing process. 

Build a Safety Net

You need to have a safety net when dealing with a highly toxic partner, as they may pose a significant threat to your life.

I’ve heard stories of toxic partners throwing stuff at the person who’s breaking up, which inevitably takes them to a hospital.

If you’re genuinely wondering how to leave a toxic relationship, it’s time to make some smart decisions.

Evaluate your ex’s behavior and make informed choices, such as safeguarding your belongings, having emergency contacts in place, or relocating to a public location to maintain your safety.

Practice Forgiveness

After enduring a toxic relationship, you have to embrace a life free from fear and self-doubt. 

Rather than dwelling on the past, recognize the positive changes this breakup has brought for you.

Avoid cursing or judging your ex, as everybody carries their baggage.

In mastering how to leave a toxic relationship, you also have to simultaneously master the art of forgiveness.

Practice forgiveness and allow yourself to find peace and healing.

Anger will never help. Anger is like capturing a flame; while you may think you’ve captured fire, it will only burn your hand.

Embrace the lessons learned and pave your own path of personal growth using those.

Always remember, a man who’s capable of picking up his sword, even in a losing battle, is a warrior.

Educate Yourself And Other Men

Take a moment to reflect on the signs of a toxic relationship and how early did you spot them.

This will help you understand that you could’ve ended the relationship long ago if you wanted to. 

By delving into these insights, you can gain valuable knowledge that will help you navigate future relationships with greater care and awareness.

Also, share this blog with your friends and try to get their perspective on a toxic relationship.

You don’t know if they’re already in one, and if they can learn how to leave a toxic relationship, it would help them tremendously.

You Deserve Better

The key to leaving a toxic relationship lies in recognizing your self-worth and making decisions aligned with your well-being.

Perhaps you found yourself stuck in that relationship because you didn’t realize your importance earlier. 

It’s crucial to understand that settling for less than you deserve only paves the way for your own downfall.

Value yourself first, and then try to find somebody who can match that value.

Be Surrounded by Positivity

Getting over a breakup can be tough since negative thoughts will consume your mind.

Prioritize your mental health and counteract these thoughts by engaging in a few hobbies for men and surrounding yourself with your loved ones. 

Remember, your thoughts shape the trajectory of your life, so focus on cultivating positivity and nurturing relationships that bring you joy.

You’ll realize that these problems won’t appear to be problems anymore after a while. They’ll just become memories you’ll look back and laugh at.

Frequently Asked Questions

The Bottomline

Recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship early is critical, but deciding whether to stay or leave is a personal choice.

My personal recommendation would be to leave the relationship in a healthy way.

Your partner may be unaware of their toxic behavior, and you must let them know that fixing is possible.

Based on the experience of MenVerve readers, we’ve found that effective communication in a relationship can solve most toxic problems and lead to valuable solutions.

Another way would be to seek guidance in building healthy relationships, especially from a counselor or therapist.

All the Best, King!